Friday, 03 March 2006
I am an Unfit Mother
The first test of good mothering is providing a safe place for your baby to develop while awaiting birth. I have failed this test. I am an unfit mother. My body is an unhealthy vessel and because of this, I have spent most of the day in tears. My list of offenses is long:
1. I am overweight. Very. Andrew and I planned to lose weight before we got pregnant. I started Weight Watchers early last year and by the time I found out that I was pregnant I lost 45-50 pounds. Unfortunately, this was not enough but there was nothing I could do about it. I did talk with my OB/GYN about my continuing WW while pregnant although technically, they do not allow you to. Dr. Shaw was very understanding and helped me figure out the I should eat my points plus five to keep from gaining unnecessary weight. He was very supportive and was not too concerned about my weight.
2. I have hyperemesis. My goal of continuing a modified WW plan went out the window as I was/am inflicted with severe morning sickness. After weeks (and I do mean weeks) of not being able to eat ANYTHING and losing 14 pounds in 2 weeks, my doctor basically told me to eat whatever I could keep down. Of course, the list was very limited: hot dogs and beans, string cheese, cucumbers, pickles, and vanilla ice cream. Occassionally, I was able to eat fruit without incident, but most of the items were very unhealthy. I continued to lose weight at a rapid pace and my doctor was a little cconcerned about the baby's growth. I had to be hydrated through IV at the hospital and was placed on Zofran, a medicine given to chemo patients to help deal with nausea.
3. Incompetent Cervix and Fibroids. When my water broke at 19.5 weeks gestation in 2003 and we lost Samantha, I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix. Basically that means that my cervix can thin and open without contractions and usually too early for the fetus to survive. In addition to discovering the IC, I was also told that I had a fibroid. While it wasn't really a problem during that pregnancy, it could be a problem in the future. I was told to have it removed. I did not as my research said that sometimes removal is worse on the body than the actual fibroid. During this pregnancy I had to have a cerclage (stitch) placed in my cervix to help combat the IC, but I was also told that I now had 3 fibroids as opposed to the one.
4. Gestational Diabetes*. I failed my 3-hour glucose test so I have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. Now I have to go a strict diet to control my blood sugar. This is a probel because ther are very few things that I can eat (see #2).
So, as you can see, I am dealing with SO many negatives. Not to mention I am on bedrest so there is pretty much nothing I can do in terms of recreation. Please don't tell me that it will be worth it, I know that. But right now, I feel like a failure. I am worried on so many levels about my daughter's health. I am worried about my mental health. I am worried about so much. I have nto enjoyed a minute of being pregnant, and of course that makes me feel horribly. I do not have any "I love being pregnant" moments. I am an unfit mother.
1. I am overweight. Very. Andrew and I planned to lose weight before we got pregnant. I started Weight Watchers early last year and by the time I found out that I was pregnant I lost 45-50 pounds. Unfortunately, this was not enough but there was nothing I could do about it. I did talk with my OB/GYN about my continuing WW while pregnant although technically, they do not allow you to. Dr. Shaw was very understanding and helped me figure out the I should eat my points plus five to keep from gaining unnecessary weight. He was very supportive and was not too concerned about my weight.
2. I have hyperemesis. My goal of continuing a modified WW plan went out the window as I was/am inflicted with severe morning sickness. After weeks (and I do mean weeks) of not being able to eat ANYTHING and losing 14 pounds in 2 weeks, my doctor basically told me to eat whatever I could keep down. Of course, the list was very limited: hot dogs and beans, string cheese, cucumbers, pickles, and vanilla ice cream. Occassionally, I was able to eat fruit without incident, but most of the items were very unhealthy. I continued to lose weight at a rapid pace and my doctor was a little cconcerned about the baby's growth. I had to be hydrated through IV at the hospital and was placed on Zofran, a medicine given to chemo patients to help deal with nausea.
3. Incompetent Cervix and Fibroids. When my water broke at 19.5 weeks gestation in 2003 and we lost Samantha, I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix. Basically that means that my cervix can thin and open without contractions and usually too early for the fetus to survive. In addition to discovering the IC, I was also told that I had a fibroid. While it wasn't really a problem during that pregnancy, it could be a problem in the future. I was told to have it removed. I did not as my research said that sometimes removal is worse on the body than the actual fibroid. During this pregnancy I had to have a cerclage (stitch) placed in my cervix to help combat the IC, but I was also told that I now had 3 fibroids as opposed to the one.
4. Gestational Diabetes*. I failed my 3-hour glucose test so I have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. Now I have to go a strict diet to control my blood sugar. This is a probel because ther are very few things that I can eat (see #2).
So, as you can see, I am dealing with SO many negatives. Not to mention I am on bedrest so there is pretty much nothing I can do in terms of recreation. Please don't tell me that it will be worth it, I know that. But right now, I feel like a failure. I am worried on so many levels about my daughter's health. I am worried about my mental health. I am worried about so much. I have nto enjoyed a minute of being pregnant, and of course that makes me feel horribly. I do not have any "I love being pregnant" moments. I am an unfit mother.
*Pregnant women who have never had diabetes before but who have high blood sugar (glucose) levels during pregnancy are said to have gestational diabetes. Gestational diabetes affects about 4% of all pregnant women - about 135,000 cases of gestational diabetes in the United States each year.
We don't know what causes gestational diabetes, but we have some clues. The placenta supports the baby as it grows. Hormones from the placenta help the baby develop. But these hormones also block the action of the mother's insulin in her body. This problem is called insulin resistance. Insulin resistance makes it hard for the mother's body to use insulin. She may need up to three times as much insulin.
Gestational diabetes starts when your body is not able to make and use all the insulin it needs for pregnancy. Without enough insulin, glucose cannot leave the blood and be changed to energy. Glucose builds up in the blood to high levels. This is called hyperglycemia.
