I had to reschedule my 3 hour test because I was throwing up all night Monday and barely slept. So, I go tomorrow. I am so not looking forward to having to drink the crap again, but I have to do what I have to do. I did have an appointment on Monday with my perinatalogist and Mya was not cooporating too much. She was moving a lot and they had a hard time taking all of her measurements. 45 minutes later they were able to tell me that everything is looking great. I'm glad. I have 12 weeks to go and I can't wait. apart from being tired of pregnancy, I am also very anxious to meet my little girl. But there is still so much to do. I may not be around for a while because i have to clean, pack some things away, and make room for the little one. I will post my GD test results when I get them though.

Oh my. Today was a VERY eventful day. I had contractions when I first got out of bed, but did not think anything of it. I figured that they were just Braxton-Hicks. Then, around 3:00 pm they started coming more frequently- 4 in a half hour. I called my OB and they sent me to Labor and Delivery. I very camly told my husband that he had to call in to work and then I took a shower. I don't know why, but I just had to shower.

We arrived at the hospital around 4:00 pm and I was hooked up to the monitors for a NST. Wouldn't you know it, nothing. No contractions, nothing. I felt like an idiot trying to explain to the nurse what I was feeling at home. It's hard to convince someone that you are showing signs of labor when according to all the machines, you are showing signs of nothing.

So, down I go to ultrasound so that they can check up on Mya and make sure that my cervical cerclage (stitch) is holding. Everything is great. Mya is 2.5 pounds with a heartrate of 153 bpm. And she was playing with her feet. Mommy and Daddy are worried sick about giving birth 13 weeks early, and Mya is happy-go-lucky playing with her feet. :) Go figure!

My blood sugar level was 144 (4 points over the max) and now I have to take the 3 hour test. This sucks because that drink messed me up for two days.

I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for your well-wishes and support as we deal with this difficult day. My husband tearfully told me, after reading your comments, that he understands why I like blogging so much. He even admitted that he now believes that the world is not filled with assholes and inconsiderate idiots. LOL. I think he needed your comments more than I did.

We spent the day alone preparing our room for Mya and thanking Mother Nature for blessing us with this new life. It was quite rewarding and for the first time since February 22, 2003 I feel a sense of closure. Closure is a great thing.

Dear Samantha Michelle,

It's been three years since you grew your wings and I don't miss you any less. Although we never met, it is impossible to believe how well I knew you. I knew that you loved chicken sandwiches and hated fish. I knew that you loved ice cold milk and hot tea. And more importantly, I knew that I loved you.

As I prepare to welcome your little sister into the world, I can't help but feel sorry that she will never have a chance to get to know you. But, deep down inside, I know that you have been keeping a watchful eye on and a protecive embrace around her. I know that no matter how difficult this pregnancy became, you are making sure that everything will be OK. I am grateful to have such a special connection up there.

You know, 19.5 weeks was a lifetime for me, but it wasn't enough. I wanted so much more. I wanted forever, but I realize now that forever must take place in my heart. That is where you are- forever in my heart. You are loved. You are missed. And you will always be my baby girl.

With Love,
Your Mommy

In Loving Memory
of
Samantha Michelle
Born to Soon: February 22, 2003

Please join us in our candle ligthing tribute to our daughter tomorrow (Feb. 22). Feel free to use the candle image above to do so. Just copy the following tag into your blog and leave a comment here to let me know that you did so.:

(Updated Code)

<a href="http://kristinabrooke.org"><img src="http://kristinabrooke.org/wp-content/uploads/2006/02/smallcandleani.gif" alt="smallcandleani.gif" height="96" width="43"></a>

1. self-righteous people who, no matter what they do, are always quick to criticize others.
2. adults who act like children (this inculdes adults who refer to penises as "wee wees" or peeing as "tinkling" or breast as "boobies" on a regular basis when speaking to other adults).
3. in-laws who are so opinionated that they even tell me how to sneeze.
4. Black people (and I am Black so I'm not being racists) who act ghetto and then get pissed when non-Black people call them ghetto.
5. people who say "no offense to you, but..." and then continue to insult everyone that you have something in common with (eg. "no offense to you, but fat people are lazy").
6. people who think that pregnant teenagers should be sheltered from sex-education.
7. pregnant teenagers.
8. parents who ignore their children's bad behavior no matter how obvious it is.
9. women who try to convince you not breastfeed because their own attempts failed.
10. people who think that breastfeeding in public is obscene.
11. politics
12. people who think that just because I am pregnant it is ok to touch my stomach.
13. women who keep telling me that pregnancy is great.
14. television shows that have story lines like: pregnant woman does not want to be preganant suffers a miscarriage on the way to have an abortion only to realize that she really wanted the baby.
15. soap operas where women have miscarriages and then can NEVER get pregnant again.
16. soap operas.
17. people who tell you "you can always have another" after suffering a miscarriage.
18. people who don't like interracial realtionships.
19. people who are against same-sex marriages.
20. people who think the previous two should be decided by anyone other than the people in the relationships.

What are you tired of?

That's what was wrong. I got food posioning from the pizza or the nachos and cheese that I ate. I am better now and Mya is fine, but I had to flush my system with lots of clear liquids. I don't know what was worse....dealing with morning sickness or dealing with food posioning. At any rate, things are better now.

Oh, and Drew's car is being fixed and he is ok...I am so happy that he wasn't hurt because I don't think I would have been able to deal with that.

Hope everyone is good...I'll be around sometime this weekend.

Have a Happy Valentine's Day!

Somebody Likes You!

I'm still feeling really crappy today. I spent most of last night awake and crying and finally fell asleep around 7:00 am only to be awoken to find out that my husband was in a car accident on his way home from work this morning. There was/is a blizzard outside and he almost hit another car. He swerved to get out of the way and hit a wall instead. He is OK, but the car is pretty messed up. The driver's seat is broken and the car can't make left turns because the wheel rubs against something...

He is really achy and I felt awful becasue he couldn't relax at all. He had to shovel the snow and take care of me because I was still throwing up today and feeling very weak. The last two days have been horrible.

I probably won't be around much for a few days, but I just wanted to let everyone know what is going on. I am going to go to the doctor tomorrow to try and find out why I am vomiting like this all of a sudden.

I have had a terrible night. In fact, if it were at all possible to list my night in order of badness, this would probably number 2 on the list. Let me explain:

-Had 2 slices of pizza and found out that my health insurance has been terminated although I was told by my payroll secretary that going on disability would not change it. My stomach started to hurt- Mya seems to know when I am upset.

-About two hours later I got so hungry. Almost like I had not eaten in years. I was craving some toastitoes and cheese dip. Ate that and then had some deaf tea which usually settles my tummy enough for me to relax.

-About an hour later, stomach still hurting, I decided to take a shower as I felt very sweaty and hot. I shower, feel a little sick still, but know it is because I am thirsty. I usually get thirsty after showering. I get a cup of crushed ice and water.

-I suddenly get this burst of energy and decide to use it to finsh the laundry and folding the two baskets of clean clothes. All is going well, at least that is what I thought. My stomach starts to knot like hunger pangs and then I get hot. UH-OH. I know what’s coming. I’m gonna throw up. No, it’s going away.

-No it’s not. Before I can move I vomit all over my freshly cleaned comforter. But it is not just vomit. I’m almost 26 weeks pregnant and have lost total control of my bladder, so I leak too. Great, I just showered and this happens. But it’s not going to stop. I grab my vomit bucket and turn the ceiling fan on before hht next round makes it to the top of my thorat.

-And Drew is at work. I’m vomiting like this and feeling as if I am going to take a nosedive onto the ground and my husband is at work.

-Now, I have to remove the clean clothes from the foot of the bed (luckily I did not vomit there), strip the comforter off the bed, take my clothes off, shower again, put the laundry on again, wash out the bucket, febreeze the bed, and open the windows (by the way, it’s snowing out size)…all before I pass out from heat and stomach pain.

I tell you, I am miserable. I am so fucking miserable. I will NEVER get pregnant again. As excited as I am about having a baby and meeting MYA, I will never give up control over my body again. I just don’t have the energy.