I wanted to post tonight before the craziness of New Year's Eve starts. I have so much to be thankful for and even more to look forward to, so I figured this blog should serve a greater purpose. OK, two greater purposes.

Purpose Number One: Thank You: I need to send out a great big THANK YOU to my Motime friends. You all have been so supportive even when, due to various moody posts, I did not deserve it (C4F that is especially meant for you). My life has always been a roller coaster ride, and for me, the roller-coaster-fearer, that has not been a good thing. However, the last few ups and downs have been particularily bearable because I know that no matter how whiny, bitchy, and irrational I am, you will always support me. I am so thankful for that.

Purpose Number Two: New Outlook: I also need to make myself a promise. For a while my blog posts have been morbid and negative, but that is going to change. Fear has a way of blackening every day no matter what may happen, and I have been blinded by fear for a while. But no more. I am not afraid anymore because I know that whatever happens I have a great support system determined to help me make it through. With that said, I have decided to look at the glass as half full rather than half empty. My daughter will be given the opportunities and the love from a mother who iis determined to give her the best life possible. My daughter, despite the inevitable mistakes that she and I will both make, will know that her parents's love is unconditional. And, my daughter, despite all the annoyances of my pregnancy, will be the apple of my eye for eternity.

Now, with that said, I am ready to begin the new year. I love New Year's Day because it signifies a chance to begin again. A chance to rethink the path that we are following. So, to all of my Motime friends, Happy New Year's. Please try to bbegin it with positive, hopeful thoughts.

See ya in 2006!

I will be 19 weeeks tomorrow, and that marks a HUGE milestone in my pregnancy. I was 19 weeks when I lost Samantha in 2003, so getting over this hump will signify great progress. I have been getting nervous. Most women are told that if you get past 12 weeks your chances for miscarriage decrease greatly. But I know that isn't always true. I have been praying and hoping and paying attention to every ache, pain, and unfamiiar movement just to make sure that I don't miss any potential problems. So far so good.

I haven't really come to terms with this pregnancy. I know I am pregnant, but I haven't really been enjoying it. Some of that has to do with me being sick all the time, but a lot of it has to do with me not allowing myself to become too excited for fear of another loss. However, I am starting to get very excited. When we found out that she was a girl and decided to name her Mya Therese, I started feeling more and more hopeful. I guess that is all my DH and I have: hope.

Please hope with us.
TTFN

I hope that everyone is having a great day. We celebrate on Christmas Eve so I am just relaxing today watching my new collection of DVD's given to me by my DH. Those of you who have followed my previous blogs may remember that I am a DIE HARD Buffy the Vampire Slayer series fan. Well, DH got me the entire SEVEN sessions (144 hours of slaying). I am SO excited.

As for other gifts, I received lots of maternity clothing- a neccisity now that my belly has popped. I also got the book Son of a Witch by Gerry McGuire (the sequel to Wicked).

At any rate, happy holidays everyone.

We are having a GIRL

If you are very close to your mother, you may want to avoid this thread because this is a long vent from someone who is not.

My mother and I have alsways been on rocky road. She was not very maternal when I was growing up and she clearly favored my older sister (4 yers older) and tread me and my middle sister like crap. We are all biological sissters and were adopted. But from the time I was about 5 she used to pretty much make me feel like I owed her so much because she adopted us.

At any rate, out of the three of us, I am the only one to graduate college and get married and not have any kids out of wedlock. I have always worked and in fact, worked my way through college because she would promise to pay my tution and if I did not do everything she said she would cancel the check and leave me stranded in college.

Since my DH and I started dating, his family helped me pay for books and clothing and eventually our wedding. It would take a lifetime for me to explain all of the horrible things that my mother did to me, but let me summarise:

1. I was raped at a young age and she blamed me and called me a heffer and a slut.
2. She cancelled my tution check fout times and almost got me kicked out of college
3. When I miscarried my first child in Las Vegas and had to stay in the hospital and was not able to fly back home for another 5 days, she left my husband and I with out saying goodbye or offering to give us money when she knew that we were on a tight budget.

And then recently: My DH and I live in a room at my IL's. It is cramped and with the baby coming we definitely want to move. But we were not really looking because we did not have the 1st/last/security money. But there happened to be an apartment available. A beautiful 2 bedroom for 1450 a month all utilites incluuded. It is a steal in Westchester. I hapened to mention it to her and she says, "set up an apointment. I will give you the 4350 if you like it." So DH and I go look at, love it, tell the landlord we will take it and she tells me that she is not giving me anything because she helps my sisters out and she is not a bank.

OK; my sisters are both deadbeats. The oldest has two kids by two different guys eventhough she can;t afford them. In fact, she just had a second baby by another guy and she is not even divorced from her husband. My mother has paid her rent up to six months four times in the last three years. She bought her two cars, funiture, etc eventhough my sister has constantly cursed her out, demeaned herr to family friends, and tried to ruin my wedding. She even paid 60,000 for my sister's wedding using money that my dad left me when he died with out even telling me.

I am fed up. I told my mother today that she is no longer welcomed in my life because she is toxic and to this day has never made and effort to treat me well. I told her that she will never see her grand child because as far as I am concerned, my mother does not exist.

Don't get me wrong, I am not being a brat. But I have asked my mother for monetary help 2 time sin the last 10 years and she always gives me crap because she takes care of my sisters and WE are ALL milking her dry. I told her today that she has no problem telling me no but is very happy to help out two grown women who make no effort to better their lives. Did I mention that my sisters are 30 and 33?

I am fed up. I am so hurt and ****** off because now we lost the apartment and Lord knows when we will be able to move. I will NEVER treat my children like she does.

My maternity clothes arrived today and they are great. I ordered from Lane Bryant Catalog website at http://www.lbcatalog.....ut.asp?dept_id=7221&rootdept=600&. I ordered a tunic, a button down (strips), a pair of "jeans" and a pait of knit black boot cut pants with the belly panel. They look so huge, but when I tried them on, they were great. The pants are so comfortable. I am 17 weeks and the tunic is too big for me now, but will be great my belly gets better. The stipe shirt is GREAT.



So, if you are a Plus-Size Pregger, looking for good maternity clothing, I recommend them.



Kristina

Edd 5.23.06

Mine

***Your Birthdate: August 30***
You have the type of personality that people either love or hate.
You're opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken.
And some people can't get enough of you - they're totally addicted.
Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved.
Your strength: Your flair
Your weakness: If you think it, you say it
Your power color: Scarlet red
Your power symbol: Inverted triangle
Your power month: March

His

***Your Birthdate: February 10***
Independent and dominant, you tend to be the alpha dog in most situations.
You're very confident, and hardly anything ever shakes you.
Mundane tasks tend to drain you - you prefer to be making great plans.
You are quite original. When people don't "get" you, it bothers you a lot.
Your strength: Your ability to gain respect
Your weakness: Caring too much what others think
Your power color: Orange-red
Your power symbol: Letter X

Our Baby's

***Your Birthdate: May 23***
You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.
You're good at so much - you never know what to do.
Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.
You are destined for a life of travel and fun.
Your strength: Your likeability
Your weakness: You never feel satisfied
Your power color: Bright yellow
Your power symbol: Asterisk
Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

Well, after another difficult couple od days, my doc sent me to the hospital to be hydrated and to have a few test done as he suspected that my Gall Bladder may be out of whack. After receiving liquid Zofran through and IV along with 2 bags of fluids, they did a sonogram and did not find anything wrong with my Gall Bladder. Our baby is fine too. Baby Roo is measuring at 16 weeks 6 days which is good considering I am only 15 weeks 3 days. They said the baby is developing very well despite my inability to eat. The heartbeat is 146 bpm.

I feel so much beeter after having all of the fluids put into me. They gave me a bag of fluid with sugar and I realy felt like my energy came roaring back. It was great. After leaving the hospital DH and I went to Burger King to eat and man did it taste good. AND IT STAYED DOWN.

I slept like a baby last night too. And this morning I work up at 6:00 feeling great and alive. No nausea or dizziness. I have some errands to run today and I think I will actually be able to do them. Oh, and my doc gave me dissolvable Zofran tablets because I have not been able to keep any pills down. I am so happy that everything worked.